Wednesday, December 30, 2009



I made a pretty F.A.I.L. video yesterday but thanks everyone for your support!
Van says I should get a video cam. Like a real good one. 
I guess I was too lazy to set up my Sony t700 (sexaayy hot pink thang); I used my webcam.
So after learning Katy Perry's Thinking of You, I'm onto Tegan and Sara's The Con.
This I need help with.
Guess what. Hayley William loves T+S too. 
We're getting Paramore tickets on the 4th of January! Y.E.S.W.E.A.R.E.

{So about the year/these few days & stuff in between}

Psst: Christmas Eve Dinner + Christmas Dinner @ Portobelle was F.U.N. !! :D

So about the year.

This year, I was in the desert. 
I got lost but each time, God somehow found me and pulled me way closer to Him.
Then later I got caught up in the world again, then He found me again.
A tiring cycle, it was. Lost my identity, couldn't care less, just said yes to temptations without hesitating.
So call me a hypocrite, call me a fako- I get why you're calling me that.
Because I'm vulgar and I unleash my wrath at the wrong times and I do stupid stuff.

But honestly.. who doesn't? It's just that I express it way more often.

Guess this year was rebellion at my flesh's peak...
And honestly, I'm drained from it all.
I fell then I got back up again. But I fell again and left my altar in ruins because I was afraid and sick of accepting the new trials He was going to put me through.

But after camp: "Perfect love drives out all fear."

So these few days I've gotten back on track with God, and I've seen the way the enemy has tried to pull me away with temptation and the things of the world.
I gave in to that. But this time, I'm going to try again.
I've committed myself to serving in the worship ministry and I believe that having that discipline and focus is required:)
I thank God so much for the worship ministry at church, somewhere I can serve in and at the same time, to keep my walk in view.
I took home a relevation of Him from LoveUnited, on the 27th of this month.
"There is no standard or mark that you are expected to perform up to."
That struck me in my heart that day.
Made me realise how much He loves me, no more and no less.
Made me understand that our God is not a God who condemns even if we fail.
And we always have room for improvement:)
 "A human being is never what he is but the self he seeks." - Octavio Paz

2009 was also filled with a lot of quarrelling and the opening of my eyes to things I never saw before, things that scared me and shocked me.
And I'll never forget the lessons God taught me through people, especially through my friends and Laoshi:)
So I've grown. Just a teeny bit.
To hold back my emotions and to let God guide me before I let my thoughts run wild.
I'm still training to have self-control.
Realised that sometimes I could be way better off than letting drama wreck it all.
It's not that I'm not proud of who I am, or that I've entirely gotten rid of the rebel who wears her heart on her sleeves.
But I've learnt that through rebellion, I get what I want but forsake other people's feelings.
And that hurts me in return.
I used to say "you don't understand me." But is that true?
What if I'm the ONE who doesn't understand the other party.
So yeah you get my point :O)

On a lighter note,

love ya lawrencia 


Tuesday, December 29, 2009


You say you can't be bothered
You say there should be no pain
I say you leave me hanging
I say you've got my heart under lock and chain

Because in memories like these
Comes pride
Comes lust
A conflagaration
Then moments later,

I'd like to beg for more of you
But somehow acknowledging
That to have you taken away from me
Will be to my advantage and learning
That the world is never what it seems,
And giving into temptation will forever lead to me reaping

Reaping the same foolish thought I sowed
(Into soil that would slowly erode and crumble then fade)
That I'd be your love
That you'd never want another:

Lust that is.
Her eyes gleaming like diamonds on fire,
Her lips full but cracked and dry as bone,
Her heart as that of ebony,  along with
Her intent of being queen, a destiny of great might and claiming her victory alone.
Selfish as it is.
Selfish as you are.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Indie is so Sexaaayyy

They didn't stop cooking. Best aunts in the world:)

Why do my specs look like they've got transition lenses.
Maybe it's the lighting. Oh well.
Baby Have ya heard?
I love The XX.
Only thing about searching for their songs on Limewire is that you get truckloads of porno.

I have 40% more Christmas shopping+wrapping+card-making to do.
I painted wooden wands that I bought from Spotlite.
Next stop: Get ribbon!
Happy Birthday Ryan and Lawrence!

Manicure today. My dietician actually remembers what colour my manicure was last Christmas!
Funky eh:)

I miss all of you.
Cara+Joseph please come back soon.
And I don't know where's Ongster.
But oh hail tomorrow.
We gonna get hugs and presents but at the same time, not forgetting what Christmas is about!
Cara is now at Lake Tahoe. She's going skiing tomorrow :O
So tomorrow night, Belle has invited Char and I to Portobelle's for Christmas dinner:)
AND THEN I'll go running on Saturday.

I am in my room, freezing my ass off as usual.
I watched Chris Crocker's astrology:good or bad video.
He said Scorpios have superiority complexes and they pick on people's weaknesses alot, and they like people to think they're mysterious. They also choose friends who are dumber than them most of the time; friends they can play around and manipulate with. I didn't hear anything good about them.
But the good and bad about Sagittarians are that they're too truthful.
They're loved because they're truthful and sometimes hated because they're truthful.
And they like to think alot about life; we're philosophical:)
Yeah you'd like to think "NO WAY, LING NEVER BELIEVES IN ALL THIS SHIT."
And here comes my "this-is-so-liling" reply.
"I don't know, it just ENTIRELY describes the person that had my hormones raging!"
(Then I shy away from the fact that I believe in this crap. But it's true crap, right!?)

Christmas Eve dinner tonight.
This year I'm going to write those distant nieces cards.
And THEN I hope this helps them to stop talking to me like I don't know anything about life.
I mean come on, even if I live under a rock, at least moles and earthworms come to visit too okay.

I did shit.
Nuts, I know. You guys know I'm nuts.
I hate shaking shit off.
But it was hot, right?

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts. says:
 i guess thats the only way
 sometimes our reactions lag.
 (i) schokolade says:
 thats so true
 do yours lag?
 woaaaah thats so trueee!!!
Clear Eyes, Full Hearts. says:
 hahah yeah mine lags most of the time
 i know right!

I love you Belle I love you Char I love you Cara I love you Lawrence I love you Joseph and sometimes Lime who is MIA most of the time

Long ago post:

If ever I should fall,
May I fall at your feet,
And never away from You.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Satellite Heart - Anya Marina

Goal: Get New Moon's soundtrack.
Not that I'm in love with the series, but the fact that 2009's greatest indie artists are featured in the movie!
So I just have to get the album.

I realised I love forests alot.
It just captures the entire feeling of being lost.
And somehow a certain type of fear that you feel.
You just whip your head around in any direction because you feel that there's something coming right at you.
But there's really nothing.
It's another bittersweet feeling, like being in winter.
Can't get enough of it.

I'm giving up on boys.
Doesn't mean I'm into girls now. (nuuuu)
It's just not the season for me!
But feeling inferior to couples on the street will send pangs of pain that might cause me to lust after something that was never intended for me to have.
Still, I have the Majority who loves me.
God, I haven't forgotten about You.

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (3)Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; (4)perseverance, character; and character, hope. (5)And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:1-5 (NIV)

So this is what it feels like to be human.
To be broken down by circumstances.
But then the feeling of being human is supported by Hope.
And with hope you learn to accept.
You learn to look at the past without trembling.
You learn to accept the fact that you're better off this way.
You learn to withstand the desert's heat and knowing later that you're way stronger before.
Refiner's Fire.

Ryan brought back maple leaves from Japan for me.
I like to think of the fact that his eye caught some and he plucked them off a tree or bent down to pick 'em up.
That's so artistic.
I feel weird thinking about stuff like that.

I can never get over the way I call you 'habiby'.
Or the way that it echoes in my mind.
It's so sweet and gentle and it hurts me sometimes.
He bought me Party Animal / Large Girly Tee.
It's amazing.
And thank you that you're letting me go.
You make me so happy Zakaria :) So, so happy.

I feel so destroyed by you.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009



I was seriously shocked. Like shellshocked. :O :O :O 
The worst dream I've had, ever.

But above all, something for someone. A rant? Whatever.

You've changed. You've changed to become someone you never wanted me to become. And I'm sad, I'm worried sick- I don't know what to do. So I guess I'll just keep praying, keep asking God to see you through this phase. Yes, PHASE, because I will not allow it to stay with you for life. There are better things. People always say 'it's a long way to happy'. But no. That's because they're discontented. Contentment is a state of mind! So look at yourself in the mirror and remember that we are all made in the image of God. Have you seen me? Have you ever asked yourself how inferior I've felt about my own body? And here you are doing shit to yourself. IT HURTS. Ask yourself why you're doing this. Face up to the motive you've so snugly hidden inside your heart. I can somewhat see what it is but I can't face it for you. I can't even tell you I see it because you might come up with a whole list of excuses that my ears may bleed while they listen. I don't want your excuses, I don't want your pretense, I just want you to know how much I love you and how much He loves you. Then you will embrace this love and face this motive. Because perfect love drives out all fear. Because giving Jesus up for you and I wasn't for fun or for show. It actually hurt him. So woman, I'm going to tell you now that I am SADDENED. Like GRIEVED. If I can feel this ache, imagine what Jesus feels for you. I love you and I will never want anything bad to happen to you. Because you are destined to be used mightily for God's plan. To heck with the devil. HECK.

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my high voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

16TH to the 21ST

 I'll be away with my family. 
And I will be looking upon God's beautiful creation while I am there.
He is with us in every part of the world, throughout the seasons and throughout the bad dream that had my heart racing at 4 in the morning. My point is that He is with us. 

And I can just about guarantee that as I whispered "Jesus" when my heart was palpitating, a calming, fuzzy feeling swept over my entire body as I fell back into slumber. And He told me He was with me.

Mind over matter.
Logic over feeling.
Logic+fact being I am loved by the Most High God and feeling being fear.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Love was sent to me in the form of a knitted red scarf(:
Thank you Jia+Yun

Went out with 2B friends to sing karaoke with Mdm Zhang.
Then dinner with Shaun, Val & Bridget.

I'm tired.
I love somebody.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Brick By Brick - Katy Perry

The weight of my words
Are like feathers from a bird
My mouth it moves but you won't hear a thing
Cause i've dug myself deep
I managed to fit both my hands and feet
All my little white lies
Smell like a big old bucket of bleach

In one ear
And out your other
So lock and key
You won't open up for me

So brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I'm not giving up
I'm not giving giving up

I guess
And it feels like you're in china
And i am in peru
When ever i am sleeping next to you
We can hear the crickets singing
Oh all throughout the night
Oh boy can we just get used
To something so right?

And sure i confess
I'm a mess
I'm a mess of mistakes
But please count to ten
Before you go and throw it all away

So brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I'm not giving up
I'm not giving giving up
On on on us

Cause if you give up
Then what am i supposed to do
All these dreams
Never will come true
Without you
Vocal ad lib

Brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I'm not giving up
I'm not giving giving up
I'm not giving giving up

Oh baby don't give up
On this love
Don't give up
On this love

Like what if I told you I've never given up?
Like what if I told you I want to prove them wrong
That you're someone inside
Just waiting to come out
I pray it is me
I just pray the person you want to show yourself to is me
False hope, 
I am giving myself false hope
I just wish you'll make it true

So brick by brick, I am breaking through these walls
I'm not giving upppp-p-p-p...

Monday, December 7, 2009

i don't want to be easy
but at the same time i do
you're on the opposite sidewalk
our faces streaked by amber and cold
and i am here without you

what makes it so intense
when i look in your eyes i see someone new
when i look in your eyes i try to imagine
what it feels like if i could be with you

but sometimes sparks do not ignite fires
and sometimes the greatest fire causes the greatest damage
when it's only one-way, wishful thinking
that boils in my blood
whenever i think of you

but i will not be easy to get
until you learn to love me
until you learn to see
i am not just anybody
i am extraordinary

I Choose to Love Me Over You - by me
6.50 PM

Chariots of Fire

I come back from camp knowing that God honours those who rely on Him instead of using our own strength to tackle the situation, because He took care of Char when we were worried sick but were advised to stay behind.
I also come back from camp being revealed to the fact that God is in control of everything, and that He will not let Satan tamper with His children as they worship.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Char remembers where I want my first (real) kiss at :)
At the square in front of the Eiffel Tower at 7 PM in Paris.
7 PM because all the lights of the Eiffel Tower will be glittering and it looks absolutely STUNNING.

Pictures from 29th Nov = Sunday night @ Portobelle with Mum+Dad, Angel, Cara, Charmaine, Joseph, Lawrence, Lime, Mirabelle and along the way came Matthew and Brent!
Dinner was good, chess was intense as usual and Indian Poker just cracked everyone up. I'm very, very thankful I had Creme Brulee:)

Pictures on my birthday itself = Monday evening till night till morning with Vanida, Lynette, Szeming, Sheren, Sen, BC, WH, CY, Eric and Cherng En.
Vanida, Lynette and Szeming made a surprise for me and gave me an entire package of caramel corn and a rose:) They are very, very sneaky.
The Xtreme Bungee Swing made me laugh non-stop, scream non-stop and I don't know what else. I sat next to a guy from Egypt and he seriously reminded me of Zakaria. I hope Zakaria doesn't undergo balding anytime soon though :O
As usual, we laughed at everything and everyone around us.
I love my class. We own.

Pictures from yesterday= Helping Harijanto and Sharon out for the major project on 3rd Dec: Christmas Fairy Ball @ Shangri-la.
I got a hot glue burn anda papercut, but it was freaking fun.
I'm going over at 11.15 and I'm not ready yet.
Then I'm going to meet Kel at Orchard at 3 PM (he's going to pass me my present, awww) and probably meet my churchies and have dinner at Lawrence's house.
Then it's church camp tomorrow and soon I'll be hopping around the house like a jelly bean.
Euphoria gets the better of me.
Camps are the bomb okay. THE BOMB.