Thursday, May 27, 2010

I was on and I chanced upon a Christian band Starfield.
Amazing how God can minister to me right here right now: A thought popped into my head as I was listening to "Reign In Us" and God told me "My fingerprints are not only marked on every silent moment like this when you plug in your earphones and listen to My still small voice- My fingerprints seal off every single day that I make, every single day that you live."
Just knowing how the Lord is everywhere, no matter where I am, always there when I need Him- that means a whole lot to me.
Many times we take the Lord for granted but He never forgets about us and He never ceases to provide for our needs.

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head 

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

dear conservative us,

we like sex
but we just don't say it

hypocritical screwed person

Monday, May 17, 2010

You are my Hope

This week I have been living two lives.
These two lives are only evident behind closed doors, in the comfort/danger of God's and my own presence and knowledge.
As I write this, I acknowledge the numerous blog posts and diary entries that I've written about the many times of how temptation has had the better of me.
I find myself living a controversial life; like how Bob Marley wrote influential songs about love and peace but yet, is deemed as the symbol of marijuana.
My point is:
The worst struggle is not about being entirely overwhelmed by the Flesh.
To me, the scariest struggle is the one I am having now - serving two masters: God and my own flesh.
Because I am bought into thinking that my spiritual life is just fine when it's not.
It's like having a split personality and the scary part is that the person himself does not realise it but others do, and it's not only him who suffers the consequences, people around him have to too.
It is a very painful condition and it is not any different from mine in terms of how it feels like.
Just that I'm not hurting anyone around me now, only myself, in the dark corners of my very sinful mind.

Burning a bridge is easy.
But what if you have always grown accustomed to walking on that bridge.
So much so that it becomes a part of you?
Like pain relief.
I walk on that bridge when I have pain in my life.

And here come my famous last words!
Then I realise that the last time I had pain, I looked to hurting myself.
Hurting myself does not equal to pain relief - where is the common sense in that!
Pain relief is looking to the Lord.

What took me so long to get that?!?!?!
Then again, God's Word never ceases to reassure and encourage:
"God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." - John 3:17 
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. THEREFORE, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus, because THROUGH CHRIST JESUS the law of the SPIRIT OF LIFE HAS SET ME FREE from the law of sin and death." - Romans 7:21-25 to 8:1-2
This blog entry reminds me that God is bigger than my circumstances; no matter how small or pathetic I deem myself to be: God always sees me as someone who is "more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ".
This blog entry emphasizes on how our weaknesses will never ever hinder the Lord's work through us or His impact on other people through us.
This blog entry is a reminder of how the Lord gives us hope, even in our broken state.

"You are my hope,
hope like no other,
hope like no other,
and it reaches to me."

Monday, May 10, 2010

"b'cos this breaks me down to my knees"

as we grow older,
we learn to live with pain
pain that will always be a part of us
pain that portrays us as weaklings, failures, good-for-nothings
but yet without this pain, we wouldn't have grown
you wouldn't be standing with me
holding my hand, walking with me through this.
this pain has built you up
so that in turn, you can build me up too
you show me love, 
you show me empathy.

sad truth:
without purpose
we are like heroes without goals
a story that's ready to be written on the page but that's just not possible
because there is no motivation, no drive.
we are stagnant
poised, still, perfect for the world's standards
but we long for more
we long for it so much that we grow weak
because as each day passes without success of finding it,
there's really nothing to live for.

i'll say this again:
that's what everyone gets upset about
that's what throws us off the edge

Lord may we never stop encouraging our friends
because a kind statement goes a long way
it sticks onto my heart and it stays with me forever

you give me a little piece of heaven
and it stays in the 'pocket' which = the importance of our friendship:)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

L.O.V.E's just another word I'll never learn to pronounce (NOT)

Time to put my yellow butterfly lights up.
They have been curled up around the Tiffany lamp for too long.
I wish they were real, with tiny lighted up bulbs for butts.
Fireflies but with even more beautiful wings with red sequins and blue beads stuck on them:)

Yknow, there's always a part of you that you leave with someone.
And when you meet that someone, you feel alive again.
That someone is like a pocket to me.
I put the most important trinkets in it.
When I come back to the pocket, I push my hand in and take those darlings out and I fall in love with them all over again.
But still, it doesn't mean I'm only 'using' the pocket- I love it. I genuinely love it.
I appreciate that pocket for being there, for letting me feel this way.
At the same time, I want to 'give back' to the pocket.
I sew on a sparkly heart or a pretty piece of patchwork on it:)
Like a carrot or Peter Rabbit or something.

That's how important all my friends are to me.
You guys keep this part of me with you and when you guys are with me, I feel so comfortable and appreciated and loved.
Loved. That's the word:)
And these trinkets aren't only mine, some of them have your initials carved on them too.
Like a ring or a bracelet with a charm that has your name on it.
That special part of you that you keep in the pocket you share with me.

My point is: I feel shared among people.
I am under an influence and every single one of you has made me to be who I am over the years/months/weeks.
If someone were to tear away these pockets from me, he'd be tearing away a part of me too.
We are all connected.
You guys make me feel whole.
I love all of you friendsssss (L)

Monday, May 3, 2010

As I was smoothing out my hair, I was pondering upon a question:
What good are crushes if nothing's ever gonna work out between you & the person in mind?

My answer is nothing.
No good comes out of liking and going head over heels with that person if he/she doesn't like you back.
People tell me "oh that's the fun part about having being a secret admirer".
Once I was naive and I believed what they told me - which I obviously shouldn't have because they didn't realise how much it would hurt if they were to get rejected.
(Talk about using protection.)
I will never ever wear my heart on my sleeves ever again because people bump against it and it gets bruised easily.
Like a toe-may-toe.

So as Chris Crocker once said (I remember this vaguely)
"I've chased Love for too long. So this time, it's gonna chase me."

I won't even admit to myself that I like somebody anymore.
Because I'm a boy-smitten-airhead.
I float about and sometimes, when I'm ready to land, I get blown away in another direction when I think about the possibilities, which are 1% : 99%
1% chance of a relationship, 99% of being avoided by the guy.
It just takes too much of me and because I'm a hopeless romantic, prevention is better than the cure.

That person is going to make it happen.
"Oh but it's kinda fun when the girl goes after the guy!"
Yeah, when you get rejected, you're the joke.
Then when he accepts you, you start thinking about whether he really loves you and your jet black heart.
Can you girls just sit back and enjoy the chase?
We're way better off this way.
Choose the better filtering system.

Eye candy is a treat but love is.. hard to find.
Love is so hard to confirm.
I wonder if love can ever get mixed up with a whole different level of infatuation.
Hello Lust.