Wednesday, April 21, 2010

To be deserving of my heart, you gotta do better than that.

pink+green individual eye makeup tryout:)
Suddenly being myself around people seems like the hardest thing to do.
Especially when they don't get your jokes, or they don't respond and they take joy in the fact that you're being humiliated.
But now I know that if you have a problem with me, I'm perfectly fine.
If you find that winning attention over is like a competition between you and I, then I'm happy you feel that way.
Because that just means I'm being true, that means I'm being who I've always been:)
So if listening to me speak annoys you, it really doesn't matter - because what matters is what I SAY and not what you say about me.

Now that I'm in DTVM, I wanna be different.
I don't wanna be the person who hangs out with the 'cool minority' and neglect the others.
I'm gonna put myself out there. I'm gonna avoid sticking with a clique and start showing people that they're totally fine, and that they are appreciated.

On another note:
If I could say anything to God, I'd tell Him I'm sorry.
I feel ashamed to say sorry.
I feel ashamed to say I love You Lord.
Because I've said it so many times but yet, it's not enough.
It's not enough because my words represent a whole other agenda from my actions.
I want to stop being a person of such little self-control. I want to start living right.

Tonight my eyes have been opened to Emptiness.
And it stares back at me.
When I look to you, that's the emptiness I see.
When I was blind, the emptiness was a pretty little bedroom filled with candy, a mirror, a perfect reflection, lingerie, perfume and sounds.
But when my eyes are opened, I am staring into the most painful, life threatening black-hole.

Then a light shines through and the darkness flees.
And I know that there is NO PLACE on earth too faraway for us to fall that God cannot find.
Do you know that I run to greet Temptation at the door and Sin stands behind him.
But I tend forget that God's all around.
And now I remember that because Jesus gave Himself up for me, I am worthy of being Loved.

I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ
Take my life
It's all for You

let me sing only for You alone
let me sing and make sure that the majority of my voice usage is for You alone
and not the world
because it boasts of temporal pleasures
it boasts of its humanity; that there is no room left for improvement
but what You have shown me
is a massive space
for me to grow, mistake after mistake, lesson after lesson
till I am sore and bruised but as I stand at the finish line, I see how I have been refined
let me sing for You, of You alone (L)

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