Ling wants to go to Alaska

If this is a new phase of life God wants me to go through, I don't know if I can do it without looking back.
Suddenly time puts an asterik* to every friendship in my life.
It's telling me that it's a definite factor, that it's compulsory.
I don't think friends who haven't spoken to you since forever should ever think that "oh, when we meet up, we naturally click again. So I'm not afraid to be away from you for 3 months and when we're back together again, we'll still be intact."
Intact? Geez. Put in a little effort.
You could be really focused on something but you could be neglecting something else really, really badly.
So my point is about being CARED BACK.
And for other relationships in the miscellaneous category, time has pulled us apart.
Which may be good even if it seems too much for me to bear.
Because you can pull away and when you snap back, there's a 180 degree change in my life and it definitely messes my head up. Alot.
Suddenly I sense there's un-forgiveness in my heart.
I can't forgive myself for being fat most of the time, can't forgive people who don't love me back the way I want them to and I can't forgive the people who take me for granted sometimes.

Today is Sunday.
I'm not at church because my body's aching like mad and my bed has agreed to take me back last night.
I wish I didn't have a phone.
Or the internet.
Then I'll get to see who comes knocking on my door with a massive grin, a picnic basket in hand and flowers in the other saying, "Wanna talk?" :)

Random: I believe we should all go live in Alaska.

you're like a little beam of sunshine in my world
and where there is light the darkness flees
i will get you those lights you wanted
<3