Tuesday, January 26, 2010

honey roasted macadamias

{New York, I Love You} MOVIE NIGHT 

We're so alike, and never have I felt more comfortable around you, coussie <3

Cara was happy:) Everyone was:)

I dreamt about you.
Dreamt that you were feeling my ribcage and told me "woah it's big" and somehow I took it in a way that you know my body's this way because I've got big bones.
And I melted right there when you held me.
And you let me kiss you right there and wipe away the tears you had in your eyes (because you got so pissed about something silly).
Okay my point is you let me be there for you. And I was happy.
People may think I'm crazy and it was an insult when you told me that about my ribcage.
But no. I don't believe you're someone like that.
You're not shallow or superficial like any other guy I've ever known even if you do talk alot about hot girls.
You're just a really visual person (like the way I am so I can go on about some hot guy on the street all day).
I've begun to dismiss the question of "what do you look for in a guy?"
There are so many qualities and things that we look for and even if a guy has met all these requirements, he may not have a certain type of feel that I want to have when I'm around somebody I love.
We may not have chemistry or a level of comfort when we're together.
He may have the best personality in the world but he may not be after God's own heart.

Because God really is the centre of the relationship and I want that priority to be reserved for only you.
Even if you're not going to be mine, I still want the best for you.

So I woke up and I told myself I love you.
It's flattering for you to know/hear/read/, I know.
I'm actually scared at the fact that I've liked so many people before.
But I don't want this to be infatuation anymore.
Like Lawrence asked God for someone to love, I asked Him too.
But I'm still sixteen.
So I'll wait.

I haven't told you guys about the interview that I went through at SP, so why not.
I went for the one regarding Creative Writing for TV & New Media.
That week, I had been tearing myself down, often ending up curling up into a crumpled heap of misery on the floor.
So as I spoke about my views on life and everything, I got interrupted and the interviewers asked if I was sixteen.
I said "yes I am" and they asked "where do you get all these thoughts? why are you so philosophical! you're not like anyone we've ever met! there's something about you."
I felt so humbled at that time and so loved by He who made me that I almost wanted to cry.
Right then, right there, God told me He loves me and that even if I lift my soul up to another who tramples on it, He still lets me know how worthy I am through the way He lets people see how beautiful His creation is from the inside out.
He let me know how appreciated I am by others and to LOOK AT THE FACT that others still love me for who I REALLY AM and not for what I live up to be or to look at only one person and to live by what he wants me to be.
I couldn't answer where I got all my inspiration and thoughts from.
Because my answer was, still is and forever will be "this is the beauty of His creation and part of who He really is".
I went to Nicole's place after the interview feeling like the happiest, most JOYFUL girl in the whole galaxy.
Joy, was what had me on the verge of tears.
He showed me His Love and it was amazing.
Thanks Lord. You're lovely beyond words. Just so damn lovely and so comforting to know that You take delight in me, Lord:) :) :)

Yesterday: WWW was really fun.
Even if our feet hurt.
I got dizzy at the Tsunami pool. DiiiiizzZZzZZZzzyyyzyyzyzyzy
It was cool that Claire came; she's good company!
So we went to Cara's place for pizza, some good old Baileys, Cookies&Cream ice-cream cake with rainbow sprinkles, gummies and jellybeans all loaded on top, card games and Family Guy (omg right).
I love being around my churchies. I'll never have enough:)
Then Claire, Ryan, John and I cabbed home with healthy, sexy, sun-kissed skin:)


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