Wednesday, August 19, 2009

 Presenting 10-year-old Zakaria

 "When I'm feeling weak,
And my pain walks down a one-way street,
I look above,
And I know I'll always be blessed with love."

C5 was what I got for Chinese O Levels.
Not proud of it, no.
I broke down in the hall and screamed when Nicole and a few other people were there.
I told her "I just don't understand why God told me to have FAITH and He gave me a DAMNED C5?!"
Vanida and I were so tired of crying that our heads hurt.
Hers is a different story, she did better than I did but it was a pity because of circumstances.
Got through the day. 
I laughed again, felt so much better all at once.
I came home and I thought about whether I should retake it.
And I asked God. "What has faith got to do with it."
So there it was. That orange book with a blue and white circle for a design.
I picked up my Bible and I flipped to James.
I didn't know I would find my answer there, the one I had been asking God for the entire day.

"Faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:24

Hit me like a sack.
God taught me something today.
Not to be lazy.
To put in effort so at the end of the day, I'm able to reap a bountiful harvest.
Faith = useless without action.
God gave me so many friends to be there for me today.
I didn't care if people looked at me with pity because my face was flushed, my eyes sore and my nose red like Rudolph's.
I only cared about what Jesus thought of me.
The best.
He made a way out for me.
My Dad and I discussed that retaking it would take too much time.
At least it's easier to clinch an A1 for Math than Chinese.
That's because Chinese is a language based subject and I honestly think that all I can get, even if I retake, is a B3.
So goodbye Chinese and hello Math and POA.
I'm satisfied. 
Because all the Chinese lessons I had didn't go down the drain.
"Huh? What the hell do you mean?! That cost you loads of money for tuition!!"
Yeah it did. But those lessons came with morals, with life lessons, with the appreciation of the simple things in life.
Like listening to Lao Shi through tears as she broke down the walls of my pride and told me where I had gone wrong in making a decision.
Like listening to Lao Shi tell me how actions speak louder than words, and that putting Christianity into practice was important.
She's Buddhist.
Like feeling like a daughter to her and feeling like she was another mother.
It was the entire heart of it. The lectures, the jokes..
That's why I'm proud of being Chinese.
And knowing in my heart, deep down in this lil heart of mine, that I love and appreciate the Chinese culture and language dearly.
That I didn't give up learning it and if I had more time, I would retake the exam.

I love you Zakaria.
Ela alabad.
We're gonna get married!
Seems silly lalala but we don't compromise.
We believe in one true love, I guess.
Zaki and Ling
Ana bahebak (L)

"You have turned my mourning into dancing,
You have turned my sorrow into joy."

"Blessed be the name of the Lord,
On the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your Name."

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