Friday, August 21, 2009


I went all out on my oil painting today.
It was so intense that I got irritated at anything that tried distracting me from the world I had been looking for the whole day.
A world that comprised of me and Art.
A world that I was seeking so desperately, it was probably the only thing I was living for besides God..
Today was the loneliest day in school, ever. 
So painting led me on to new roads, fueling the fire in my bones; like youth.
And I didn't grow old.
But the end came anyway.

I imagined myself living in an oil painting during the bus ride home.
That means everything painted inside had life, and it could move.
The scene would be what I was looking at currently outside the bus window.
The trees were blended with a million shades of green and everything was vibrant and beautifully coloured.
Then I imagined my face.
It would be of a few different shades of dark pink and light brown.
So I closed my eyes on the bus and imagined what my brain would look like.
It was hard to imagine that I would be painting it, because of how intricately designed the human brain really is.
Then I wondered, what if the food in the painting tastes like oil paint too?
But I disallowed that, I dismissed that thought, it was my perfect world.
Nothing shall taste like paint, but of the same sweetness as the food we put into our mouths.
The only difference is that, I'm locked in this world.

For once, I felt insecure today.
I felt weak.
I realised what an emotional wreck I really am.
And people in school can't handle that.
They call me mad. Mad.
Only two people can.
Kelvin and Nicole.
Today I learnt to keep my mouth shut.
That I shouldn't share so much with people about how I feel.
Because if I were to demand any reciprocation back, the person will have to know that what he/she is going to say is meaningful.
Not a simple "hmm" and there we go.
It broke me today, after I heard somebody say that to me.
I didn't cry but it took my entire world by storm.
Extrovert Learns To Be Introvert At Times.

Not having Angel or Charmaine or Joseph in my school S.U.C.K.S
Only these three have my whole heart.

"Oh we live and we learn.."

So I picked up my bag and said "I don't really have friends in this school anyway" and walked out of class for Art.
But I forgot to add something.
"Because my only friend has been snatched away and she has lost the heart to come back."
Wanting someone back = Taking the initiative.
I can't keep hanging on. I've been pulling in your bloody rope to prove the words 'Rescue This Friendship' but all you do is stick with her.

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