Friday, July 30, 2010

you are right all the time, aren't you? and i am wrong and selfish to the bone

I've had my share of long and black days this week- yet God is constantly reminding to take my focus off them.
He's encouraging me to look at the people who love me and to forgive the people who don't.
He gives me someone to hold onto everytime I go through shit.
There was not a single day when I didn't have anyone to rely on and I'm crazy thankful for that.
Tonight I ate my boiled egg and I just savoured every single bite.
I had forgotten how good it tasted because I had been focusing on the complexities of life, it's these complexities that I have been focusing on when the simple things were always there, waiting for me to stop and appreciate them.
As I ate, I remembered that the Lord's joy is my strength.
This joy: the hope that He loves me dearly and that He'll never leave me no matter what.
My faith is reassured because He gave me Bridget, Kelly, my parents and Angel to be there for me.
We go through 'purgatory' but look: Bliss comes along, hand in hand with it.
That egg was bliss, being home was bliss, being enveloped in Bridget+Kelly's bear hug was bliss.
Many times we rush through life, hardly stopping to say "Thank you Lord for the day that You have made" and I guess this was a 'kick' that God initiated to make me listen and to be still in His presence.

Sometimes we are broken down even if we gave our best.
Sometimes we don't think about others when we are engulfed by emotions.
We apologise and try to make them understand but the 'but(s)' and 'still' keep hurling themselves at you.
Most of the time we think we're right when everyone's in the wrong.
Sometimes you get singled out as being the emotional wreck.
Because you refuse to be broken down by accusations that seemed so true on the surface but yet, they just didn't want to listen anymore.
Yet you choose to walk away because it's no point speaking anymore, because you don't want to say Sorry for the sake of saying it.
Because it was just an honest mistake but yet they don'
Now the tears that they shed are of no value because they
Now the regret that you feel is of no more weightage to me because you.did.not.stop.
Where did the meaning of that mind+heart fuck go
Whose face did the hurtful words end up slapping?
But I will turn my left cheek and offer it as a sacrifice to your burning Pride.

I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along 

throw your weight around means "to be unpleasantly self-assertive"
what if I told you that your self-righteousness is what has been hindering me from helping you peel those scales off your eyes?
(oh no, you wouldn't listen.)
i give up.
p/s: God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud

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