Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Clearing my head

Fact: Everyone has a secret.

And the subject of that tiny little dagger doesn't matter- no matter how small it is, it kills us anyway.
We go crazy as we run after the answer to unravel how this deadly malaise has its way around us.
Whether it's hate towards a person or a whispering sin, whether it's that devillish voice that tells you you're not good enough - we keep it all inside because
Life isn't always hard for the belle of the boulevard.
Life is hard for everyone.
Even that moment I hold onto - the moment when I sit in the toilet, crying and letting those suicidal thoughts run through my head.

Even that tiny doubt about whether there is a God kills me inside.
So this week I decided to clear that doubt.
I asked for an answer, a reassurance and I got it.
So everytime I start blaming God for the suffering He puts in my life, I find comfort in that lesson my Sunday School teacher taught just last week.

Michelle guided us through the book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 1.
And that chapter is titled "Everything Is Meaningless."
Ecclesiastes 1:16 says: "I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. 
For with much wisdom 
comes much sorrow; 
the more knowledge, 
the more grief.
Material success is all temporal. I grow up, I do well in my studies, I get a job, get married, have kids and... ... Is.this.it?
Then Michelle said: "There's always a place for Faith. Christianity could be that 90% of truth but if you are going to focus on that 10%, then there's really nothing I can do but all I say is that - There is a place for faith."

So seriously. What the heck is my purpose of being here on Earth?
People tell me that I deem Christianity as a relationship because well, I'm a Christian but if not, it's still a religion. 
But honestly, what if we were all created to establish our relationship with the Creator?

As I wrote on my Facebook status: 

cos we're too perfect to have come from a Big Bang, cos we're too intricately made to eliminate the idea of a Designer - so much so that we cannot comprehend His works with our finite human mind

Look at a plate. Do you think that it formed and came to be from tiny particles in the air that slowly form to become so perfect, so INTENDED?
Then look at us. We are too wonderfully and fearfully made, we are too intended. We exist. The human anatomy, our EMOTIONS, our ability to FEEL and even cry when a friend is in pain, to make history over the eras that have past, to change the world - and to say that we exist by coincidence just doesn't get me nodding. 
We were built for a RELATIONSHIP. Look at OUR relationships that we have with people now - we get disappointed in people from time to time but what if we are offered a perfect love from the Lord of the universe who knows you by name and how many hairs there are on your head?

God explains the order & purpose in the universe/ God explains the uniqueness of humanity.
That's when we ask ourselves: If God loves us so much (or so He says in John 3:16) why would there be so much shit and suffering in the world?! Yeah, people say trials help to build me up but seriously - what for?!
What other purpose can there be but: finding meaning in suffering?
We have comfort in times of need: We suffer because we know there is a purpose.
To take up that cross everyday the way Jesus did.

To store treasures up in Heaven where rust and moth cannot destroy.

Dear Mr Devil, you who are very beautiful and you who are but a welter of nefarious sin and vitriolic verbiage:
I am vindicated / I am selfish / I am wrong / I am right / I swear I'm right / Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed / But I am cleaning up so well / I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself so clearly

Nothing comes near God's beloved because of His Love.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord <3

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