Monday, March 8, 2010


There's just so much to think about.
Like perfection.

Mummy was sending me to SP and I realised something in the car.
(See, long drives can stimulate the philosophical mind)
It takes so much of a person to look perfect for someone else.
And I can't even achieve 'perfect'.
It takes so, so much of me to live for someone else.
Then I think of the words "to live for someone else".
Where's the part where I live for God.
So I'm home now.
Sadness and reverent awe came hand in hand.
It's just a bittersweet feeling y'know?
Like feeling happy and miserable at the same time?
Reverent awe was because I realised that God's the only one who will never ever break my heart.
He even mends my broken heart.
He even tells His angels to guard it.
He even holds me when I've been such a vulgar person- He looks past my imperfections and sees the person inside.
He knows my needs and He provides.

At this point I'm afraid of trusting and taking risks.
I'm afraid of the line "don't ever let someone teach you how to love."
I do need someone to teach me how to love.
Because I charge straight ahead - and then I fall off track and it hurts like nuts.
Once again I'll say:
It takes so, so much of me to live for someone else.
So now I remember that I live for God. Alone.
I don't need to be in a relationship to tell myself I won't ever trust anyone else again.
It's already happening.


Ng says:
 dont lose hope
 i mean like he cant be the absolute last guy
Brieee - -- - (L){ black•metal•love }(L) - -- says:
 yeah he isn't
Ng says:
 then what youre gonna close your self off all guys and turn into an old woman who has dozens of cats


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