Tuesday, March 9, 2010

PARAMORE /(everyone leaves weeds for roses) shawn you genius



Hayley:) :) :)

But darling,

You are the only exception ~<3
Cheetah pants:P


Pictures from Ade's camera. I couldn't be bothered to bring mine.
Daren and I helped to pull out a girl who couldn't breathe.
I shouted 'help' a million times and sounded like a chihuahua yelping in the crowd (wtf).
The security guard at the front was so blind that I pointed the middle finger and - you got it, he didn't catch that.
But everyone loved it; Paramore is the best band live ever. 
Here's Daren's flickr photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/highheavyheart/4413427791/in/photostream/
So during the concert I had to remind myself not to be selfish.
When I was pulling that girl towards the front, I felt entirely helpless but I just kept on shouting even if I couldn't be heard.
And I'm glad I did that.
Not to brag or to gain credit that I did what I did, but I guess this would be how I'd react if I was in some massive disaster.
And I'm really, really happy I did that upon natural instinct.
So anyway my old+new friends are helping me forget about some gay guy.
At least they occupy my mind from 12 till 4 in the morn on Skype/Oovoo.
There's like a mind monster in my head, it keeps exercising ways to torture me:(
But I'm not at my most comfortable state around them yet, not like me around Lawrence or Cara or Belle or Char or Joseph.
Guess that's how you five beat other people to the top.
Because you guys care loads about how I feel. Like LOADS.
Because you guys know I get tiny bouts of insecurity and rage now and then and you guys just... get me.
Because you guys just know it's a Liling thing to have 3 to 4 crushes at a time:) hahahaha:)
And definitely.. because besides the fun, there's also a very silent sadness in all of us.
We'd be holding each other during a war man, during a fucking war.
Self-sacrificial love, that's what we have.

I hate the fact that I'm so self-conscious.
Sometimes I think I'm really irritating and I'm really sorry I keep voicing out what I think and giving people the "oh-do-you-want-me-to-tell-you-this-so-that-you-feel-better-about-yourself-bitch" idea.
I hate the fact that I'm not perfect. Physically and emotionally.
Don't we all?
Insecurity 101. Join the club.

I hate it when boys tell me that I'm pretty and shit all because I lost weight.
Why didn't you notice me before then?
It hurts and I'm afraid to grow up because suddenly this world's become so shallow.
My eyes that reflect light so brilliantly will always be the way they are now till forever; they'll always have the ability to look straight at you to see if you're true and leave your soul and intentions bare for yourself to choke upon.
Top it up with sweet nothings.
It just amounts up to.. fuck - nothing.

So if you see me and speak to me and EVENTUALLY think I'm different and totally not what you expected me to be, then I'm sorry to disappoint:)
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you SURE AS HELL DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST."
— Marilyn Monroe
I can't express myself very well. Only through my art and songs and writing. So you shouldn't judge me like that.
It's just gay and unfair... yknow?

professional siollll
ps: ive been so vulgar i should stop this is disgusting pointing middle fingers and whatnot

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