{ ! }

If I could be anywhere right now, I'd be standing at the same balcony at Melk Abbey in Austria with a cigarette (1st picture - Melk Abbey / 2nd picture - from Melk Abbey's balcony= fave picture in the world). Don't worry I ain't gonna smoke, it's just the whole "look-at-me-i'm-a-european-in-winter" look. The 3rd picture was taken in Budapest, the first stop. I love that city too. Europe makes me want to cry badly. Zakaria why can't we live in Europe next time. I shall leave you in Israel:)

Wish this upon me

That you might see

Who I really am inside

Education's got me stuck here

Here, where the street lamps don't light up this city

Here, where the city lights take their time to blind me

Wish this upon me

That you might be

The one who'll never settle for compromise

The one who will sit and watch me rise

I am wind and you are ice

We connect but the truth does not suffice

Distance and place,

Sentiments and grace

Sentiments and... ...

'grace'

Age has got me on my knees

Shot down and begging you to wait

Just Wait for me to become a full-grown babe

Just Wait for me until the day you let me kiss your face

Hey Baby.

Please. Just. Wait.

Li ling - 4.49 PM

I want to have a skin artist do our faces on my birthday :)

Everyone will have painted faces and an animal in mind that they have to dress up to look like.

It's not Halloween, it's a animal costume dress up party.

Or the girls could come as fairy princesses and the boys could be frogs.

And if we kiss them they're still going to look the same. So.

Hahahaha it's okay, I still wanna get married.

Yeah and we're going to look cool and pretty and 16 year old enough for everybody.

If they think we're weird, they're just old :)

Everybody means country club man.

Wow I'm making the day that I was born sound like it's the world's favourite day.

You like? YOU BETTER LIKE IT

or else....

*MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA*

cough.

Happy Hell-oween

I've been 
Watching your world from afar
I've been 
Trying to be where you are
And I've been 
Secretly fallin' apart
Unseen


To me
You're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be
So perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me


I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep when I put a spell on you
And when you wake I'd be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me
Yeah..


Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You) - Aqualung


If I could describe this song in two words.. those 2 words would be: Tear Jerker
Sigh. Don't we all feel like that. Crushes are gross.
But I don't have a crush now :) 
So I beat you if you're stuck in that lovey dovey hole :)

Someone's circling. Someone's moving, a little lower than the angels.

{Berries growing against a wall at the first restaurant we had our lunch at on the Europe cruise tour}

'Snow Angels' is a film based on a book by Stewart O'Nan. 

'Snow Angels' and 'The Other Bolelyn Girl' are both currently screening on HBO:)

Snow Angels got me crying and screaming "Asshole, asshole!" at the screen this morning at 8.30.

Just watching the way the woman (Annie - Kate Beckinsale) got killed with 2 bullets to the back of her head by the man (Glenn - Sam Rockwell) she had a four-year-old girl with, who died later.

Here's how it happens:

Glenn drives to her home and breaks her window with his elbow, with a rifle in the other hand.

As Annie arrives home, he waits for her behind the door and pulls her aside.

Then he tells her to take off her shoes, and he washes them for her in a basin of water.

As he does so, she tries to kick him to get away but he holds her and says "It's okay, it's okay." (It's obviously not okay.)

Later Glenn leads Annie out into the snow, her barefeet on ice, and they walk down a white hill.

They stop and this is where he tells her to kneel down.

As Annie kneels and he kisses her head, he says "you're a bit sweaty," emphasizing on how afraid she is to meet her death.

"When you're ready."

Glenn steps back and points the rifle to Annie's head.

She sighs and says "I'm ready".

Two gunshots ring out as the camera is lifted towards the sky, with winter birds flying overhead.

That was when I cupped my face and started bawling in front of the TV.

It's that good.

Later Glenn kills himself with a pistol in his mouth.

Sam Rockwell plays the eeriest character that I've ever seen, apart from the actor who plays the murderer, Gordon Northcott, in the flim 'Changeling'.

Besides tragedy, 'Snow Angels' is also about teenage love, friendship, hope and loss.

I realised how much I love Winter.

Particularly because Christmas is one of the joyous occasions to be celebrated then but also because..

White winter mornings have a sort of dreariness but freshness at the same time from the cold.

It's a bittersweet feeling, to feel alive but dead at the same time during winter.

And it's only in other parts of the world that you feel this way.

It's when you're walking with a stranger along a road lined with bare trees right next to an icy cold river with gulls flying past every now and then.

And every breath you exhale is misty.

Like a reassurance that you're alive.

It's a time when you start to get scared and hope that tragedies don't happen because it's when you're in your most vulnerable state, just as your skin is to the cold surrounding you; you get afraid of getting hurt.

And everything is just so inconvenient physically but yet your spirit gets to soar and you're one with yourself again, set apart from tight schedules and 'to-do' lists.

You don't really get to feel this way in New York, not in cities, no but in small, tranquil towns.

Where murders happen quietly and (I am not embarrassed to say this) where making love is the most magical thing to feel under the warmth of thick blankets.

God totally saw what I typed down. But it's okay right. He's gonna grant that to my husband and I.

Think hot chocolate. With quiet friends early in the morning. Think love in a tiny spectrum of light- tiny, but focused and real.

I'm currently freaking out because there's an Indian contractor grinning at me DIRECTLY across the window on my neighbour's roof and I am in my pyjamas. No it's not revealing, it doesn't fall of my shoulders or anything but OH MY GOODNESS I'M REALLY SCARED. One of my brown Roman blinds are not working. It's really high up, thanks to my brother who wanted some light.

Shit.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ADEL

I'M SO SORRY I CAN'T BE THERE TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOU

I LOVE YOU LOADS!

FUN IS WHAT WE LIVE FOR EH :)

I have the sudden urge to hurl a brick at that man.
You guys have to listen to 'Born' and 'Spark', both by Over The Rhine.

The Armor Of God

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms....Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition of all this, take up the SHIELD OF FAITH, with which you can EXTINGUISH ALL THE FLAMING ARROWS OF THE EVIL ONE. Take the helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit with all kinds of prayers and requests."

- Ephesians 6:12, 6:14-18

You know, God.

I don't care about society and how it's made people turn out to be, I don't care about how competition has made us believe we're all selfish and we've gone way past the point of no return, I don't know what step I'm about to take next, or the people I let down/ the mistakes I make/ the people I hurt/ the values I'm going to lose along the way but all I know right now is that You are with me, WITH ME in every situation and decision. YOU are what's so WORTH IT to rid me of myself, my pride and selfishness that needs to be chiselled away over time.

And that's what matters.

To have You WITH ME no matter where or when, no matter what happens, who I'm with, how I feel that You're not here sometimes or even why I'm going through trials in life.

That's ALL the DIFFERENCE and to know that You're going to take EVERY WRONG I make and MAKE IT RIGHT again is size of the little mustard seed of FAITH I have right now. You say that it is ENOUGH to command mountains to throw themselves into the sea and the amount of faith that RESURRECTS A DEAD MAN TO HIS FEET.

God I don't know how I'm gonna get through this exam. Many people do, many people are feeling good about themselves but God, all I'm going to do right now is hang onto You and Your word. Because You do everything for our good, our good, so that we will grow in Christ likeness. Help me to work in rest and to never let go of whatever You have taught me to abide by.

To love, to forgive, to pray about decisions, to ask for the things I want with faith.

Even when criticism and condemnation has stung me in my face and burnt it sore.

I am nothing more but dust in the wind.

But You make me last.

We were built to last forever.

Right now I'm going through trials.

Being cut open by words from people close to my heart, being judged, being looked down upon for my naive faith. But faith is child-like, ain't it? It has no doubts, it has no excuses, it has no 'what if's - for doubt is what kills us, that makes our faith waver. Because faith only lives by "yes" and "Amen".

Oh. And I read this somewhere. Friends listen to our heartaches without blaming us for problems.

Never let anyone tell you you're not good enough.

Because they probably aren't either.

Because they're just so afraid of admitting it.

They bite their nails until they bleed behind closed doors;

Hoping but never knowing who to pray to or which God to ask from.

They are on their own.
Successful, maybe, but without purpose.

To bring someone else down is the worst and most addictive flaw.

To think themselves as higher beings,

Judgement and pride- they come together with daggers and hurt.

Never let yourself take what the enemies say to heart.

The ones who say you're unattractive and stupid.

Cry, but cry for awhile.

Then we'll move on.

And we'll shake all their shit off.

Friends do not bring each other down.

They do not say you are unworthy of anything you want in life.

They do not say you can't go on to do things that you can and things that you will excel in.

Mark this in black and white on your heart and sign your name on it.

Crossed fingers can remained crossed forever if you're not careful.

Your motive, unstable

Like an unwinding cable car

I spy with my lil eyes

I spy with my lil eyes

That your love knows no bounds

Your heartbeat

As pure as fast as white horses that crash upon the shore

Onto my feet

Splashing me with every fibre of your being

I spy with my tired eyes

Your apathy, "mm"s and "ahh"s

Care which was once the constant-

The sweet, endearing fire of our sixteen-year-old-nights

It's all gone now

I spy with my wide eyes

The same candor I fell in love with on the dancefloor

The same hands

The same smug smile

The same slippery smooch

The same

On her.

- 10.18 PM

To let go.

To let go of you

You who messed my head up

Made me feel brand new

But old was what remained

Old was my residue

To let go of you

Is to cut off all contact

Is to say "be on your way now,

don't look back"

Is to tell you you've been beautiful

But sadly, I can't live up to ugly

To let you know

You're my favourite dash of red across white canvas

That bold, sexual streak in my personality

The lost, condemned quiet that I've always found

That sensational blue that will always have me bound

To your heart, to your cuts

To let you go

Is to let you know

I've always loved you

But forever can never come

Forever has ceased to become

But for the days so long and black

I will remember you

No longer my sweet lover

But forever faithful, golden Friend

- Ling

For: Most of Us

Debate pictures!

Realised I'm always holding rubbish in pictures.

Like my Europe pictures = me holding scarf (?!) / water bottle / plastic bag in hand.

In this photo I have the Lit Fest debate schedule as a clutch in my left hand.

The schedule that everyone threw away a long, long time ago.

Apparently my Dad does not like the land tour that we went for, the tour that comprises of Rome, Milan, London, Paris and other places.

He's all heart for cruises now.

Oceans are the most beautiful expanses of water to travel across.

The Mediterranean is of the deepest blue and it was so cold that pieces of ice were floating at the surface of the water when you looked down from the room's balcony in the cruise ship.

But really, if I were to deserve another Queen Mary 2 voyage, I gotta work for it.

This post was for the day before but I realised what a ridicule my previous post was to my writing.

So here I am, on the 3rd of October.

"The blower's daughter.. the pupil in denial...i can't take my eyes off youuu.."

Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter, pure melancholia; can't get enough of the way he has written this song.

Mel called me during cell yesterday.

She dreamt that I had signed a contract to die.
I was like :O :/ :O cuz she was crying on the phone :( :(

And when I walked back into the room, I felt so, so warm inside.

She messaged me that she loves me and that she would never want anything bad to happen to me.

I can't express how much I appreciate Mel for being in my life.

Not because she dreamt about that, but because she's always there, supporting me and discouraging me in decisions that she knows are wrong and that are made out of my rashness.

You're my wonderwall, Mel.

Wonderwall ♥

So I've been thinking about stuff lately.

I was out with Angel and Eric yesterday (Siti your head!) after cell at Newton eating and I told them that I'm not gonna go clubbing after the O Levels anymore.

And it's cool because if I get hooked onto clubbing .. I'm just gonna turn out fake.

I'm gonna be so discontented about my figure, about the clothes I wear, about how good I look.

I'm going to spend money like water and be some materialistic bitch who tries so hard to be accepted and popular, even.

It's going to be something that pulls me away from God and from my LIFE'S NO. 1 PRINCIPLE: Gotta be true, gotta be true, gotta be true to yourself.

Fake-ness = uncool-ness.

Being distracted and off track with God is my surest and fastest way to drown in this world's insecurities.

That's because I'm so observant and a perfectionist in things that are related to art.

Not just in painting or sketching.

But dressing yourself up/how good you look/make-up = Fashion sense = an Art!

So when I'm observant, I scrutinise every single detail and even to the extent of criticising my body.

If I already know my body isn't the best and that clubbing will crush my self-esteem even further, why would I throw myself into a rut that will take me hell loads of months to get out of eventually?

Because most of the time the term 'how good you look' can only be perfected with a hot body.

And then it links to you having this desire of being sexually or physically attractive to guys and you just get so discontented that girls are driven to aneroxia, bulimia, self-mutiliation, suicide, drugs and even the constant reminder to get rich so that they can go for liposuction when they get older.

It's a messy world.

And God probably just wants me to be right where I am now.

I don't need to get out of this singleness that I'm in.

It doesn't mean being in a relationship is bad, it just means that it isn't my season to be with somebody.

It just means that there's someone so damn special that God has in store for me.

Yesterday I told Nicole in the bus, "I'm afraid I'll never get married."

But thinking back, I'm not even ready to be in a marriage, I'm not even the perfect Mum that God wants to mould me for my kids, so that they'll grow up to be good and strong.

About my body. Yeah.

There's just so much internal conflict within me right now.

But it's as if God has been calming these storms within me.

I asked God to just make me slimmer please make me slimmer and somehow the next day someone introduced the dietician's programme aka the Atkin's diet that I'm on.

And it's only my fault that I haven't been on it faithfully.

But the point is that I thought about why I wanted to slim down.

Many a times I want to slim down because I wanna look hot, I wanna look WOOAAAHHHH WHO'S THAT SHAWTY BURNIN' THE DANCEFLOOR UP MAN?!?!

"If you've got the looks, why not go for the body man? Tone all that down, all that undeveloped muscles right there! BINGO! You're gonna look SO HAWT in a bikini!"

And then I thought about it again.

Why can't I be slim for God's glory.

That when I'm slimmer, I can say "it was God's work and my faith that made me this way."

And getting slimmer is something I can do for myself.

Looking good = feeling good about yourself = you have more confidence:)

It's not about me being happy on this diet plan or not but it's the result that I know is so worth it.

It's me constantly improving myself, for myself and for God.

And even for the decision to not go clubbing- it's gonna be a testimony and an even greater treasure that I store up in Heaven, not rushing His timing, because I know that I'm able to give up and miss out on this activity for way better things He wants me to experience.

Like stepping out of my comfort zone to see how His love has reached so many corners of the globe.

Like witnessing and experiencing the way He finds the ones who have lost themselves.

Like being lost in His love, over and over again, through and through.

God be the Solution:)

♥

World: you burn

Last night = the most fun I'm gonna ever have in ages before the O Level exam kicks my ass sore.

Angel + Eric + me = funny funny funny talk shit funny funny giggle sing dance funny funny bleah

Hello.

I have exactly 14 minutes to let you into my brain to explore what I've been thinking about today.

Sunday.

Woke up at 7.35 and spent 10 minutes lugging myself out of bed.

Got ready, got into my blue dress, eye-liner application was easy, grabbed my Bible and got into the car.

Rumble rumble rumble.

"Bye Dad! I'll call ya later when I wanna come home!"

Walk walk walk. Huff puff up the steps.

Sang with all my heart the lines: "Though my world may fall, I'll never let You go.."

Worship was over.
Trot trot trot up the steps with Char and Lawrence.

Passed around the remainder of the lollies I kept for a week in the fridge and listened to Dean in class.

He shared about Missions today.

Missions being us doing God's work about letting people know about Christ and even reaching out our hands to people who need us.

That was when I realised I was being selfish.

Angel and Eric were eating at the shops opposite Cineleisure last night and an old lady came to our table, begging.

I didn't give her money and even told Angel not to give her that 2 bucks she had.

But she did anyway, and she said maybe the woman could buy herself a bowl of noodles.

But I shook the thought off anyway.

Till this morning came.

I realised that even if I didn't want to give her the money and not know what she would spend it on, I could have provided for her by buying her a drink or a packet of food.

I was being selfish last night, and its people like us that indirectly rob them of their money and not even want to give any back.

It's called the cycle of poverty.

Here's a video that Dean let us watch today.

I'm so going for Missions.

I don't wanna just have a music/art studio and get a husband and do shit and have kids and get a cat.

I wanna dream big things for God. 

- -- - -- - - ---- no response

i've never cried over a friend like this

it's just

freaking hard to live with the fact

that you probably don't need me anymore

when i need you

when i need you so bad

cos you know what to say to me

you're just so worthwhile

i didn't forget the time you ran up and down the esplanade looking for me

i didn't forget

at all.

cos that's how much you love me,

don't you?

don't you?

Best Friend?

you who is really the best and just way, way irreplaceable..

don't you..

and as i type

tears are falling

onto my shirt

into my bra

i'm in pain

this is pain.

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop

I want you to know that if it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I love you enough to let you go. 

Once we start, we ain't gonna stop! OHHHH!

 Dearest Vanida Loh,

I didn't call you 'best friend' because I felt like it.

Or because you helped me to cut my hair.

Or even because of the most heartwarming fact: you've been carrying me on your back this entire week.

It's because you understand.

I think you have a gift, the gift that I didn't really realise I had, until somebody told it to me.

Empathy.

You don't read me like I'm some bloody literature text or poem.

You don't analyse me and observe my weird ways.

I'm actually significant to you!

So significant that you actually put your entire sole into my shoes and see situations through my eyes.

You put your entire foot down into my shoes! Not only your toes.

That I'm a friend you'll always want to retain and have.

A friend you don't want to discard.

Not a disposable, not somebody who is here but gone tomorrow.

Not somebody who will be there but whose presence makes no difference.

You tell me that I actually make the difference, whether there or not.

And I'll always be here, carrying you on my back when you need me.

I'm strong enough to, I am :)

I love you awesome chick, to the max :)

Love ya loads,

Ling

Sometimes the coldest and thick-in-the-head-est people inspire me to write poems.

Dizzy: Blood Pressure At Its Lowest

You are a hole that tries to swallow me whole

But I'm runnin, I'm gettin out of this rut

You who tried to make me play the antagonist's role,

You who swore to me that I had no gut

I've been sinking, spinning

Like a whirlpool, uncontrollable and blue

Lights are shining, blinding,

I'm falling into hell, and so are you.

But revenge is sweetest at its best

Revenge that is subtle, tiring for you

To watch your knees bleed on shattered smithereens

To watch the righteous rise to perfection, brilliant white, pure and clean

To watch the hurting make their stand

Their tragic complaints of war can thus, come to an end

Make sure you be there to see me

Me on the stage, me who shall lead, fight and fucking defend

I am dizzy

Dizzy with hope

Dizzy with the victory of you being gone!

Gone is the fire that was once fiercely ignited within me

It has finally left my bones

Blood pressure at its lowest

Faint, faint

But knowing all the while

Your sainthood will never be gained.

- - - - -

S.T.U.D.Y

STOP THE UNDERLYING DEATH YOGA for the Singaporean student's brain

SCHOOL WAS SHIT

BUT NIDA, ANGEL & ERIC MADE IT ALL BETTERRR 

Flashing. Heart to Stone. Heart to Stone.

Woah.

I feel good.

I had a Wonder-Nap.

Brisbane at the end of the year.

BEACH + MARINE LIFE + SHOPPING + RON + FOOD = Paradise.

GO AWAY, Queensland!

If I couldn't get THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, don't talk to me!

But anyway.

This post is for a friend turned best friend.

Your tolerance is nuts.

I could never be like you, never be this tolerant of everything.

I broke it and I'm happy I did.

One day it'll be what I did for you too. (L)

Minority.

Heart to stone, Heart to stone.

"I have you and you have me."

You know what's important in that line?

"You have me."

When God puts giants in our lives,

He wants us to have faith and to listen to His voice,

that we are able to OVERCOME them without fear.

To always know that He loves us.

And damn it, that's ALL that matters to me.

Hey you remember this line?

"We don't need the world."

You.

Take me as I am.

Because emotions that are to be controlled will slowly turn fake.

And I will no longer be the person you knew.

If you'd like it, if you'd like it.

But I'll never change for you.

Because I didn't purposely choose that bloody time to cry.

Words, the easiest medium to slice and cut.

I never did hear you say it in my ear before.

But now that I have, the first cut is always, ALWAYS, THE DEEPEST.

"i'll put a spell on you.. and when you wake up you'll realise that you love.. me."

Awww AQUALUNG :)

Miss Superficial is out and about, beware the Fakers/traitors, baby

Thou shall make it very clear.

I WANT A WHOLE COLLECTION OF WAR MOVIES ON DVD FOR MY BIRTHDAAAAYYY!

Also,

MELBOURNE SOUNDWAVE TIX ARE SOLD OUT

So that kinda leaves me with Sydney or Brisbane. *wails*  

Today is Sat-er-day.

I am back on my diet plan now after thinking it through with my mum's encouragement :)

I realised my mum knows me really well and its just bouts of miscommunication and my silly angst that tears us apart.

Prelims are over I repeat OHHHHH-VURRRR

I can't really remember this week's musings but I know I've been blessed (seriously) to personally mark the long-awaited end of the exams with good friends.

I can only remember a type of hurt.

It could be amplified with Paramore's new song, Ignorance, from their brand new album "brand new eyes".

It's a kind of betrayal, a kind of slap-in-the-face motive that leaves you feeling throbbing pangs of pain.

It (effing) hurts, ohyesitdoes.

People have told me that I shouldn't stoop to being that type of friend and I shall not, even if I really feel like hitting you and for telling you that one of the reasons why I'm dead is because of what you did to me.

But then again, think about what life has for you, Liling and think about how dying for a broken friendship is worthless - just like slaying demons, you're trying to slay a feeling when you can't even slay your ownself.

*sigh*

Met a new friend last night!

Angel and I were out at Island Creamery and there came along Eric!

So we took a walk along Cluny Road,  pacing along very freaky vines and dark trees to see some house with a fountain.

Ooooo but the walk was worth it!!!

That mansion is GORGEOUS. It looks like a palace, I can't believe I haven't been into that place before.

The gates are MAGNIFICENT, entirely parallel to the European palaces you see in Paris or Buckingham Palace, even.

And the fountain was just so beautifully lit up! It was radiating so much glow that I wanted to faint and see if the residents of the place would pick me up and let me in.

Thennn we took a hike (haha) through the Singapore Botanic Gardens.

That's right, it's exclusive and only for creatures of the night like us because I named it "S B G" and said it in a Gossip Girl tone *wink

Eric was like "no fear no fear" (but he was secretly afraid HAHA) and I realised that Angel was quite funny because we were all very jumpy and Angel kept quiet most of the way because we were both scaredddd

"Eh Angel you saw that? That black thing running across anot?"

And she'd hit you and scream "SHUDDUP LA!!!"

Mmm it's a tad dark inside the ES BEE GEE and the narrow pathways were whoooooo *shivers!*

But it wasn't as scary as the last time that Angel and I went there alone because Eric came along, eh?:)

Funny.

Oh and Eric's a really good conversationist and he's bubbly, yeah, reallly bubbly. Yknow, like a bubble? :P

SO TODAY.

HMM.

I'M READY TO ROCK AND ROLL.

Then I gotta finish up my O Level Art prep work tomorrow.

Imma go nuts on white paper mannnn.

AND LIFE IS OKAY

BECAUSE

I KNOW THAT ANGEL, CHAR, NICOLE AND NIDA

STILL LOVE ME TO THE MAX:)

i love ya'll, best friends

Faker / Traitor

You pick :)

lovelove!

What makes me happy is that I have metallic chocolate brown nails.

(superficial statement but forgive me)

Frie_d

'N I am guilty just like you

You who tore open my heart

And scraped away the blackness

Helpful, joyful,

You who deemed me as Frie_d

'N I am exhaustion upon exhaustion

A lonely heap of argument

Spit and rage,

Spite and pride

I who deemed you as Frie_d

'N you came along
The point is that you came
Along with no fear,
With beer but without war
With blue but without cold
You whom I've deemed as Frie_d

But later, things change
Later my head is whipped around to
See you stoning me from behind
This behind I call 'back'
Back!
I thought you had it.

'N I watch you hurl hurt into my quivering pupils
My lips are kissed red and bruised purple
I like you, your way of doing things
It is sweet, in-my-face,
Straightforward, honest,
Honor, Haunting
Yes, I like this betrayal

And, N, N, N
It goes on and on and on and on,
n,
n,
n.

A poem by me about the betrayal of a friend.
It's nobody in particular, just something that I've been seeing among my circle of friends.
The repetition of 'n's gives a ringing sound, like betrayal being portrayed as a cliffhanger in our minds.
Forever present - forgiven, but present.
:) Hope you pretty babies like it.

Life just means so much when you have people who appreciate you.

For the inside; your heart, and not you on the surface.

Suddenly I'm not that vulnerable to hurt anymore.

I just look at the people who love me for who I am and ignore the people who have problems with me.

These problems that need accepting from others, not changing myself for people.

I realise that some people can talk things out and settle issues effectively, while others are afraid; they hide behind masks and think that others can't see through them.

But these masks are just so, so transparent that your heart hurts everytime you see how broken they are on the other side.

Your heart hurts, because you know that you are just like them, as broken and as tired of the world.

So this is when you want to step in to help.

You start to knock on the door of their hearts and ask if they could let you in.

You then contribute to the tiny fissures and cracks on their masks, making them bigger and more in quantity- until there are so many that they can't hold together anymore and everything smashes onto the ground into shiny smithereens.

This is when you hold their hands to walk out of their pain.

You are then called 'Friend'.

And it is a title you honour and appreciate and cherish.

:) mmhmm.

Faces are so beautiful.

I want to sketch and paint my friends' faces for their graduation gift.

Meeting God and making everything right with Him feels so good.

It feels so good to be pure.

When I drank the Holy Communion grape juice today, I asked God to cleanse me of the abuse I did to myself.

And as it went down my gullet, my entire body shook and I almost crushed the little plastic cup I held in my right hand.

Yesterday God gave me a thought, of making things right with me again and my left hand clenched itself tightly without my knowledge- the left hand that I committed my secret sin with.

Today it was the right hand.

Jesus is my Righteousness, and He will save me when I cry out to Him for salvation.

Give thanks with a willing heart, give thanks.

All of my life

In every season,

You are still God,

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to

WORSHIP

(You make it easier to be me)

We're so gonna have icecream later - (WIN)

SO WE WON THE LIT FEST DEBATE

AND IT WAS THE EASIEST VICTORY EVER!

THIS ISN'T EVEN CALLED BOASTING 

You would've been equally shocked at how unprepared the Proposition were.

Every speaker is given 4 minutes each.

We spoke so much and all that jittery nonsense was worthless- because the Prop spoke for 30 seconds.

We were just so, so pissed off because it was total waste of time.

But who cares, we got a trophy for Set Text Debate at this year's Lit Fest anyway :)

I pray for every parent's loss of their missing child.

Be it 10 days or 10 years.

That their child is somewhere safe and that they will never stop keeping faith.