August 2010 Final Post

Woah it's been a year since I started this blog.
I keep all my blogs so when I have the time, I go back to read the posts and I'm actually quite amazed at how I'm growing as a person.
Whether spiritually or mentally, it's something that has taken lots of time. I mean, all my time.
So by keeping my blogs, I have the chance to go back to that very moment.

I'm also growing by doing this, because I'm learning to accept the person I was before, the person I've always been.
I'm looking at the regrets I've had and well, bluntly put, telling them to fuck off because everyone's gotta move on.
I get to remember people who were at that time, perfect to me and even though I have lost some of them, at least I got to keep the good times.
Doesn't mean they're not 'perfect' to me now. It's just that.. they're not for me in this season of life.

I even see how my music selection has changed. My iTunes years ago was full of mainstream crap and it influenced me to see Hollywood in a way that made me look at my body negatively.
Now, the songs I have are written by the best songwriters around who have the same insecurities and desires as I do - and these are the people who I look up to.
These people are normal but yet, they write lyrics that are relatable and mind blowing. They write tunes that stir hearts and honestly, my music has subtly 'taught' me to forgive myself.
Shut up Rihanna, shut up Kanye - songs about boobs and money are so yesterday.

"Seriously, they're just boobs. Everyone second person in the world has them, what's the fuss?" - Julia Roberts in Notting Hill

Anyway, I also get to remember the shit I went through, to remember the propensities for unleashing mindless wrath packages at people and think back and just praise God that I had to go through the fire to be refined.
And to even remember how these friends and family have tolerated and built me up to be who I am today.
And His work in me isn't done yet; Lord I'm waiting to witness more of Your works in my life:)

So here I go.
I'll be keeping this blog because I cannot bear to part with my writing.
Yes my posts are my babies. They're gonna grow older soon.
You can watch me make newer babies at http://easylust.tumblr.com :)

Kissbigkisssmallkisskisskisskissxx,
how you've always remembered the owner of this blog as,
Ling :)

indie day with phoenix/over the rhine & alanis morissette

Revecka (1): one of my fave models + modern day pin up girl
She is married to Khoi Nguyen, tattoo artist from L.A. Ink

Revecka (2)

Revecka (3)

R(4)

R(5)

did a teeny bit of song writing and sketching over the past two days
corns are starting to grow on my fingertips again and they are sore;(
i'll start painting my sketch this afternoon;)


i'm afraid that things may start to change once someone gets mad at someone else
i must say that i don't want anything bad to happen
because all of us make mistakes, all of us do stupid things from time to time
i can only hope that forgiveness will be what you choose
(dear reader: don't worry, i wasn't the one who made the mistake and duh it's somebody else)


How to know A Liling's Dream Person in a Moment: 
here's a lil something i'd like to write about
say this out verbally with pauses at the beginning of every sentence
1. drink some water
2. be calm and get into the mood
3. say+read at the same time
4. that's my dream person

START

you are indie
phoenix
phoenix is good
whisper: (independent)

you are well-meaning
aw!ful
and ..weird

you are
imperfect
but amazing
boring
yet ridiculous at the same time

you have your moments of quiet
and crazy riotous living

look at yourself in the mirror
your stomach
your face
and even your...
thing:) (smile as you say this)

you are
imperfect
but amazing
at the same time
you should be my bitch
shout: BITCH!

THE END
hahahahaha sigh i've had my fun

last night: Nida+Shawn+lemur boy+Sen+CY+Kenneth+WH+me
we were loafing around but yes in the end we did what we normally did
we watched a movie!
Avatar was pretty cute in its own way and i'm just so inspired to be a water bender now
i've always liked water, if i could be any animal in the sea, i'd be a great white shark
so tonight i'll be seeing Quan and the gang
Quan owes me an explanation or he's gonna get body slammed
;)

happy day(L)

dreamdreamdream

A Couple Of Strokes

I got butterflies in my tummy when I saw this

"I may feel like a fool, but I'm the only one dancing with you"

wotcha lookin' at!

X-Ray

this lady must be screwed to be taking so much med

Feels like they're gonna burst in my face

Spirit of Freedom

David Gerstein is an Israeli artist.
Yknow that sculpture at the intersection of Raffles Quay, Collyer Quay and Marina Boulevard? That was done by him:)
Last but not least, my fave piece by David Gerstein:

Burning Lips

kiss this car (L)
it's plain sex cruising down your street
MercedesBenz SLK

It has been a day since I got back from Penang and it's Singapore's National Day today.
My mom woke me up at 11 this morning and we went for lunch at Cycle&Carriage.
These were the art pieces that were hung up all around the place.
 - -

I attended my cousin's wedding in Penang and it was the best wedding dinner that I have ever attended.
It didn't accomodate as many people as Will's wedding but because it didn't, it felt way more personal.
There was a dance floor and my mom and the groom's mom danced.
I took photos with pretty cool people too.
I really really loved how they were so bubbly and stylish:)
And I look starstruck. Shut up.

Told me his name is Walter or something

Anonymous + me + Leonie

Me and Shuhan jiejie

Hello there again

This holiday I've been learning things.
Learning to be humble when I have achieved something, learning that our words should always be edifying and encouraging, learning to be strong, to be disciplined (when it comes to my individual writing projects) and to just... have time for my family, friends and myself.
I've also learnt to forgive myself because God doesn't blame me when I fail myself:)
I definitely have to get a job over these 3 weeks of holiday.
I'm determined to carry on working out and December shall be the month I shout "Oh glory!"
And I have to get new heels. My mom rammed over my favourite ones with her stupid car. Duh, of course I cried like crap.

This week is gonna be a good one.
Tuesday = theatre rehearsal
Wednesday = dinner+movie with Angel, Quan, Joel, Mimi and Sohei
Saturday = jamming with What Bunnies Do
Sunday = church + filming for camp video
Thursday+Friday=(?)

All I wanna do right now is partyyy, gulp down a few 'Blowjobs' and just..chill with my mates
Just take off into the night with 6 inch heels, money, my best makeup + glitzy clothes and definitely best friends
Ride around in supermarket carts with fireworks on the beach
Have a few kisses in between if there's somebody to love
And we shan't come home till about 7 in the mornin'
No sleepin allowed

(sorry i haven't been the best christian around but girls just wanna have..mm..fun)

SINGFEST 2010

I watched Katy Perry and I just teared like crazy.
She's my fave performer, hands down<3

you are right all the time, aren't you? and i am wrong and selfish to the bone

I've had my share of long and black days this week- yet God is constantly reminding to take my focus off them.
He's encouraging me to look at the people who love me and to forgive the people who don't.
He gives me someone to hold onto everytime I go through shit.
There was not a single day when I didn't have anyone to rely on and I'm crazy thankful for that.
Tonight I ate my boiled egg and I just savoured every single bite.
I had forgotten how good it tasted because I had been focusing on the complexities of life, it's these complexities that I have been focusing on when the simple things were always there, waiting for me to stop and appreciate them.
As I ate, I remembered that the Lord's joy is my strength.
This joy: the hope that He loves me dearly and that He'll never leave me no matter what.
My faith is reassured because He gave me Bridget, Kelly, my parents and Angel to be there for me.
We go through 'purgatory' but look: Bliss comes along, hand in hand with it.
That egg was bliss, being home was bliss, being enveloped in Bridget+Kelly's bear hug was bliss.
Many times we rush through life, hardly stopping to say "Thank you Lord for the day that You have made" and I guess this was a 'kick' that God initiated to make me listen and to be still in His presence.

Sometimes we are broken down even if we gave our best.
Sometimes we don't think about others when we are engulfed by emotions.
We apologise and try to make them understand but the 'but(s)' and 'still' keep hurling themselves at you.
Most of the time we think we're right when everyone's in the wrong.
Sometimes you get singled out as being the emotional wreck.
Because you refuse to be broken down by accusations that seemed so true on the surface but yet, they just didn't want to listen anymore.
Yet you choose to walk away because it's no point speaking anymore, because you don't want to say Sorry for the sake of saying it.
Because it was just an honest mistake but yet they don't.stop.tearing.you.down.
Now the tears that they shed are of no value because they did.not.stop.tearing.you.down.
Now the regret that you feel is of no more weightage to me because you.did.not.stop.
Where did the meaning of that mind+heart fuck go
Whose face did the hurtful words end up slapping?
But I will turn my left cheek and offer it as a sacrifice to your burning Pride.

I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along 

throw your weight around means "to be unpleasantly self-assertive"
what if I told you that your self-righteousness is what has been hindering me from helping you peel those scales off your eyes?
(oh no, you wouldn't listen.)
thus
i give up.
p/s: God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud

Bunnies are quiet animals with tempers

_maybe i would've been something you'd be good at
maybe you would've been something i'd be good at_

This is my own corner.

The Fine Arts section.

Opposite me are books about Watercolour and I’m currently leaning on the sharp edges of ‘Arabesques: Decorative Art In Morocco’.

But it’s a sort of pain that I appreciate. This pain tells me I’m aware of my surroundings.

And I am indeed.

It feels too good to be in a massive bookstore teeming with people and yet, have a corner with sufficient lighting to write a blog entry at- all to myself.

It’s almost romantic.

I’m in a bookstore. A bookstore.

Where secrets and wonderlands can only be found in words.

Words make us cry, make us laugh, let us understand ideas and perceptions… Here, words are sacred.

After two whole hours of being a firecracker, sitting in the most heartwarming silence is what I really need.

Just to listen.

Just simply having time for myself.

Just being in the presence of mankind’s genius ideas and even riding on modern globalization's intangibility – everything can be found here.

And guess what?

I’m not even on the verge of getting chased out:)

I’m thankful for having Quan, Bacon, Jon and Junhao.

We’re not the most connected band now but we are striving to be.

Have you heard? We are the SEX – ahem!!!

I mean we are "What Bunnies Do":)

xx

Heart (2)

Darling I’m not the type who plays with jealous fires

Nor the type who needs your attention all day long

I just want to be here, in the centre of your inky black heart

Singing your same strange song

Darling I’m no Joan of Arc

Who saves you from getting bruised

But I could be your favourite tourniquet

The one you can trust when you come loose

I can’t do anything big

Although that’s what I’ve always hoped to achieve

But I know I could eradicate your kind of poverty

The kind that’s got your heart on its knees

July 24, 2010

5:58 PM

Kinokuniya

"Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

photo credits: kelly v-c

A Happy Runner is one who (has):

+ Time

+ An MP3/iPod with good music

+ Track Suggestions to pace your breath with: 

You&I - Anarbor

   Nineteen - Tegan&Sara

The Violet Hour - Seawolf

Your Grace Is Enough - Chris Tomlin

OMG - Usher ft. Will.I.Am

Meet Me On The Equinox - Death Cab For Cutie

+ Lives in a neighbourhood you can explore like mad

+ Monkeys and dog walkers in the neighbourhood

+ Loads of fresh air streaming in and out of your lungs

+ Zero afternoon sun 

(6.30 PM till night = pure azure skies and cool breezes as you run)

+ A good pair of running shoes!!!

+ A nice, cold shower

To start becoming a Happy Runner you must (have):

+ A schedule and checklist with little boxes by the side

(check the 'missions' that you have completed)

+ Determination

+ Watch your diet

+ Enough sleep 

(cos it's so good)

+ Patience with yourself:

What I've learnt after reading The Dieter's Prayer Book by Heather Harpham Kapp is that I must have patience with myself.

Page 18 and 19:

"It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." - Proverbs 19:2

A Prayer for Power:

"Dear God,

thank You that even when I am impatient or foolish,

when I am so zealous to see results

that I rush things and miss the way altogether,

You forgive me and help me

to find the right path again.

Today I pray that You would grant me

the wisdom, will and patience

to persevere in the process of change.

Help me to accept where I am right now.

With Your power at work within me,

I can keep my eyes on my true goal:

to becomes the best me I can be-- for You!

Today I embrace Your loving intentions for me,

and I put all my hope in Your good and perfect timing.

Amen."

+ Change your image:

not because of what someone said or

because of those Victoria Secret models you see on TV.

Page 92 and 93:

"Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?"" - Romans 9:20

A Prayer for Power:

Dear God,

how easy it is to forget that

You made me.

From scratch. From nothing!

One minute I didn't exist; then I did.

And nothing about my body is an accident.

You planned every part of me.

Forgive me for feeling angry about some of the traits I have.

Help me to change my perspective, Lord.

Before I consider drastic medical interventions,

help me first learn to accept

and even appreciate my physical characteristics.

You didn't intend for me to look like anyone else!

Today I choose to stop worrying and fussing

about that physical "problem" I focus on so much.

I surrender it to You,

and I open my conscience, understanding and emotions

to receive Your perfect wisdom for me.

I thank You that I am not what I look like to me.

I am what I look like to You.

Beauty really is in the eye of the Beholder.

Amen."

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

Suddenly I'm reminded about how God loves each and everyone of us and that 'nothing about my body is an accident'.

Suddenly I understand that God knew exactly what He was doing and that He had exactly this me in mind long before I came to exist.

And each day, I will learn to love my body and to cherish it because this honours the One who made it.

How deprived I would have been without spiritual guidance.

So here I am, sharing it with you.

Good day

x

"What if God isn't a feeling?"

Today I won 3rd place in a floral art competition organised by Nanyang Primary School and the Singapore Garden Festival.
Kelly and my mom are very proud of me so really, I have nothing to complain about.
I was hoping to achieve second place but I was pinalised because I didn't clear my table properly (woteva)
Still, the trophy felt smooth and heavy in my hands and I have to say I am satisfied with my work.
At least my mom is happy. That's all that matters:)
Vanida is coming over tonight and we are going to buy hair dye at Jelita.
Jelita is one of my favourite places in the world because it reminds me of the times when my mom would bring me to Delifrance and I'd always choose the blueberry tart and croissant with egg mayo filling.
My mom has done so much for me and I'm really glad that she's happy with what I've achieved today.
Kelly & I had an hour of amazement on the sixth floor of the Suntec Convention Centre (see photos).
I will be posting more photos when Kelly uploads them.
I think everybody should go to the SGF because it's just breathtaking.

I'd like to share a blogpost written by one of my favourite writers (whom I found online).

When God Isn't... by Anne Jackson

I'm at this point of my life where I have to do things quickly.

Patience and time are parallel to each other - and they are both running out.

I go about doing my own things because God just doesn't show up.

Then again, I haven't been listening.

I haven't been tuning My Heart Radio to match His.

Suddenly I'm living the way I had been living life in P5 again.

Everything revolves around me.

Me, selfish me.

I've been waiting for an emotional high.

For something that POPS!

For something that can take me higher for just a teeny while.

After I read Anne Jackson's blogpost, I re-read the words: "What if God isn't a feeling?"

Then the words "Resting" and "Being" hit me.

God is THAT simple and yet, He never fails to empower me all over again.

1 Kings 19:11-13 says:

""The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire, and after the fire came a gentle whisper."

I flipped my "BRMC CAMP 2009" notes open and I'm so glad I took down those notes.

'The Sound of Silence'

(1) God shouts

(2) God comes in a gentle whisper

(3) Either way, God is always with you

* God isn't only the God of the extraordinary, but also God of the ordinary.

* God speaks in the silence: it's a language of the heart and Spirit which gives you direction for your future like a compass.

Dear Lord, I'm willing to listen.

I'm willing to start all over again:)